Comments on Trey Morgan.net: 10 FACEBOOK RULES FOR MARRIED COUPLES

This is a wonderful list of rules, all of which se...

2010-03-11T05:30:53.583-06:00

This is a wonderful list of rules, all of which serve to ensure healthy relationships are maintained.

Due to the nature of my work, I spend a lot of time online and use FB to interact with both business colleagues and friends. I've always believed codes of conduct we apply to real life should be observed as rigidly in the online world too.

Unfortunately I am one person who truly wishes these rules had been observed by her (now ex) husband. While I strove for transparency in regards to my own online activities, my ex completely hid his facebook activities from me, to the extent where a virtual stranger was the one to make me aware of his wholly unpleasant activities.

All in all, your second rule (Never hide things from your spouse) is the most important rule to me. If my husband had been as transparent as I was, we could potentially have saved our marriage and avoided all the other incidents which consequently led to it's breakdown.

Thank you for posting this enlightening and strengthening article.

I hope that many more of your readers will help generate awareness of this page (as I indeed will) so others may benefit and understand too.

Leigh Anne, Here is how Lea and I do things. Fir...

2010-03-04T11:38:17.763-06:00

Leigh Anne,

Here is how Lea and I do things. First, I don't sign out of my FB, nor does she when she's been on, SO when she sits down to the computer at the house there are all my FB messages, etc. I have no clue if she has read them or not, but she's welcome too. Besides, she has my password.

There have been times when I sit down and she's logged on and I'll browse through her friends, not to check on her, but just to see who her friends are (and visa-versa).

I do not erase my messages, so she's welcome to see those too. To make a long question short, I would NOT have a problem with my wife seeing, reading or checking anything.

And yes, I think if I my spouse didn't want me to read or see her/his stuff, it's throw up red flags of "what are they hiding." Yes, I would think they were hiding something.

Whether it's my text messages, email or FB ... there should be no secrets.

Hope this helps.

I realize this is an old post but I came over from...

2010-03-04T08:37:01.339-06:00

I realize this is an old post but I came over from We are THAT Family while reading through some of her old post.

I don't have anything to add to this list but I do have a question. You mentioned giving your spouse access to all of your accounts. Password access. My question is, would you feel untrusted or insulted if your wife actually acted with those passwords by "checking up" on you?

Also, IF you were to be insulted or felt untrusted would you be defensive and tell her not to look or is that a sign of a husband doing something he shouldn't?

Great minds think alike! My husband and I have bee...

2010-01-31T19:46:00.637-06:00

Great minds think alike! My husband and I have been writing and researching this past year on this very subject and we are pleased to announce "Facebook and Your Marriage" comes out the end of February! Hope you will help spread the word and would love to connect!
http://marriagejunkie.com/2010/01/18/save-25-on-autographed-copy-of-facebook-and-your-marriage/

I love this! And it's all so true! Now if you ca...

2010-01-28T14:44:22.092-06:00

I love this! And it's all so true! Now if you can come up with the top 10 reasons parents should monitor their kids facebook account. :o)

I think these are excellent posts and well address...

2010-01-28T14:10:50.410-06:00

I think these are excellent posts and well addressed. We were just talking about this and how FB is coming up more in divorces - I KNOW that it is involved in a lot of break-ups but don't you think that things were already going south in some way first. If you had a strong marriage in the first place, would that be the only thing that caused a split?

Good stuff. Some of the problems arise between wif...

2010-01-24T01:49:13.579-06:00

Good stuff. Some of the problems arise between wife and husband due to social networking site. I feel you posting will be very helpful

Another good rule: Don't break up via facebook.

2010-01-22T14:13:27.554-06:00

Another good rule: Don't break up via facebook.

More good stuff from a good man!

2010-01-20T12:49:27.899-06:00

More good stuff from a good man!

I agree completely, Trey.

2010-01-20T12:08:00.831-06:00

I agree completely, Trey.

Randall ... the first thing I'd do is communicate ...

2010-01-20T07:17:05.463-06:00

Randall ... the first thing I'd do is communicate with my spouse what's going on and why I'm feeling uncomfortable about this. Then I'd ask them, what do you think? If they're uncomfortable with me continuing in a conversation with them, I'd defriend immediately. I understand your point and yes, it'd be best if you can explain why you did, what you did. But I'm also reminded of Joseph who made the choice to simply RUN when confronted with something he knew he shouldn't do.

Excellent question.

Thanks, Trey! I just changed my photo back to one ...

2010-01-20T00:55:11.637-06:00

Thanks, Trey! I just changed my photo back to one of me and C (even though C is not on fb and isn't that comfortable with reference being made to him on there by Nicky or me). I agree that I cringe when some of my friends vent and air their marital woes on fb or elsewhere online that is public. I said something to one of them once (in private) and her amazing reply was that her DH didn't mind and it helped their communication! I think not! How does belittling your spouse on fb help anything?

What a great list! My husband uses mine to play ga...

2010-01-19T22:40:20.078-06:00

What a great list! My husband uses mine to play games instead of having his own :)

Awesome, and I'm sure, very much needed in every c...

2010-01-19T20:32:06.076-06:00

Awesome, and I'm sure, very much needed in every community.

Great post, Trey. My wife and I have really enjoy...

2010-01-19T19:34:10.747-06:00

Great post, Trey. My wife and I have really enjoyed getting in touch with old friends staying in touch with family. We are very open with each other about our time on facebook, and your rules are spot on.

I'll add a sub-rule to #6: When you and your spouse have just had a spat, don't put "It's complicated" as your relationship status. To me, this is as dangerous as shouting the D-Word in an argument. And unfortunately, I've already seen friends go there, and it only added to their pain, as you'd imagine.

Love this post. Personally, I think FB has been a...

2010-01-19T18:53:48.595-06:00

Love this post. Personally, I think FB has been a great tool for ministry for me. I connect with other Christians, I have had "cyber fellowship" and have even started a FB bible study with some old friends. It is a great tool, but as any good thing, used wrong can be destructive.

I have learned that if your husband checks his FB ...

2010-01-19T17:05:27.486-06:00

I have learned that if your husband checks his FB on his iPhone, be careful about what you post on his wall. He might think it's a text and respond on your wall and well, you might just turn out to be the entertainment for all your friends...

Of course, I didn't learn this PERSONALLY! (or maybe I did - but you've been known to send texts that went to the wrong person so I think you know what I'm TRYIN' to say!)

Some great advice. I make sure with any of my int...

2010-01-19T16:11:52.066-06:00

Some great advice.

I make sure with any of my interactions, online or offline, that people understand when I stood in front of friends and family over 17 years ago and committed to 'forsaking all others' that's exactly what I meant.

My relationship with my incredible wife is so very precious to me and I will guard it in any way possible.

Wise words here.

2010-01-19T12:52:52.448-06:00

Wise words here.

I went down the route of coming off facebook altog...

2010-01-19T10:41:29.563-06:00

I went down the route of coming off facebook altogether. Unless it's very specifically good to keep in contact with people you don't often see then I think it can be a very destructive tool...

I would add, "Never slam your spouse on Facebook."...

2010-01-19T10:39:42.155-06:00

I would add, "Never slam your spouse on Facebook." I see this every now and then and it really gets to me. It's especially uncool if your spouse doesn't even have Facebook and won't see what you've "vented" to five hundred of your "closest" friends.

This is great, Trey! I enjoy your blog and thank t...

2010-01-19T10:31:18.427-06:00

This is great, Trey! I enjoy your blog and thank the Lord for your efforts.

Regarding #5, do you think it's wise to defriend immediately, or would it be worth a try to communicate to them that we're uncomfortable with the situation? In other words, we can point out when something is inappropriate, and perhaps that would even serve as a mini-ministry to that person and create a learning experience. Then, we can defriend if they do not heed our request. Just curious about your thoughts on this.

Thanks!

Randall

Good thoughts, as usual, Trey. I know two people ...

2010-01-19T10:23:35.760-06:00

Good thoughts, as usual, Trey.

I know two people who "innocently" flirted via FB. After just a few weeks, they had an affair. Both couples remain married, but the strain on them and the local church was/is amazing.

Facebook is a wonderful tool when used to God's glory. Thanks for that reminder.

Following this list could/would keep a lot of peop...

2010-01-19T10:10:55.752-06:00

Following this list could/would keep a lot of people out of trouble. I've heard that FB is getting mentioned more and more in divorce cases.

I almost completely agree with this list. The ON...

2010-01-19T10:10:27.645-06:00

I *almost* completely agree with this list. The ONLY potential qualifier I'd add to this list, Trey, is that I'm not sure men and women who are serving as counselors can give to their spouses full access to their communications. This is probably also true for elders -- no one besides the elders needs to know everything that elders say to one another.

Now, this should also require that those people be disciplined in their communication -- only doing professional/confidential communication in certain channels, none of which should include FB.

But no one's spouse needs to open an email and read someone else's private plea for help or explanation of a dangerous situation. So there is a bit of complexity that doesn't NEGATE the general rule, but needs to be taken into account.

Comments on Trey Morgan.net: 10 FACEBOOK RULES FOR MARRIED COUPLES

This is a wonderful list of rules, all of which se...

Leigh Anne, Here is how Lea and I do things. Fir...

I realize this is an old post but I came over from...

Great minds think alike! My husband and I have bee...

I love this! And it's all so true! Now if you ca...

I think these are excellent posts and well address...

Good stuff. Some of the problems arise between wif...

Another good rule: Don't break up via facebook.

More good stuff from a good man!

I agree completely, Trey.

Randall ... the first thing I'd do is communicate ...

Thanks, Trey! I just changed my photo back to one ...

What a great list! My husband uses mine to play ga...

Awesome, and I'm sure, very much needed in every c...

Great post, Trey. My wife and I have really enjoy...

Love this post. Personally, I think FB has been a...

I have learned that if your husband checks his FB ...

Some great advice. I make sure with any of my int...

Wise words here.

I went down the route of coming off facebook altog...

I would add, "Never slam your spouse on Facebook."...

This is great, Trey! I enjoy your blog and thank t...

Good thoughts, as usual, Trey. I know two people ...

Following this list could/would keep a lot of peop...

I *almost* completely agree with this list. The ON...

I almost completely agree with this list. The ON...