To "Dote" means: to be lavish or excessive in one's attention, fondness, or affection for.

I'm not ashamed to say that I love to dote over my wife. Some men don't dote. In fact, some men think it's unmanly to dote. I personally think that real men do dote.

I vividly remember the afternoon. Me and another guy were hanging out when our wives walked in the room. I immediately said, where Lea could hear me, "There's my beautiful wife." The other guy looked at his wife, turned up his nose up and said with a real tough tone, "And there's my wife, but there is nothing beautiful about her."

I remember thinking I'd like to punch him in the mouth, or better yet, I'd hold him and his wife could punch him in the mouth. Instead I shot him a dirty look and told him if he didn't start praising her and building her up he'd be calling me someday with advice on how to win her back. His sarcastic response was, "Real men know how to keep their wives in check and don't need to praise them!" I just shook my head in disgust knowing he was serious and that his wife had heard the whole conversation.

A year later he was sitting in my office seeking help on how to win his wife back because she had just left him. Surprise, surprise!




Maybe real men do dote!

Labels: His Needs Her Needs, Marriage

Some of the best blogs available in the blog-world are "women's blogs." I enjoy reading what the women have to say. Recently I've discovered Amanda Sanders' blog and it has become one of my daily "must reads."

Since marriage and family posts are of particular interests to me, there were two of Amanda's posts that caught my eye, "18 Ways to Turn a Man Off" and "How to Turn a Woman On." Both are excellent reads!

Stop by when you get a chance!

Labels: Marriage

I laughed so hard that I had to cut out the "Dear Abby" article. It was a letter from a wife about her husband that read, "My husband has no clue how to be romantic. So I wasn't surprised the other day when the 'little present' he got me for Valentine's Day was a mood-ring. I'm not sure if my husband thinks I'm moody or not, but at least now he will be able to monitor my moods. When I'm in a good mood it turns green. When I'm in a bad mood it leaves a big red mark on his forehead! He just doesn't get it ... so maybe next time he'll buy me a diamond ring."

I am no romance expert, but guys, maybe instead of a mood-ring you should try one of these suggestions on how to be romantic in your marriage... (and wives, your husband would like these too)...

• Surprise your spouse by finding a babysitter for the kids and going out on a date.
• Leave a sweet note for your spouse to find.
• Give your spouse a "good" kiss for no reason at all.
• Call your spouse during the day just to say "I love you."
• Make a list of "25 Things" that you love about your spouse. (ie: Do you know how many brownie points this list got me? I'm still reaping the benefits of the list.)
• Mail something to your spouse.
• Men ... send flowers to your wife at her work place.
• Compliment your spouse everyday. (Remember the 5 to 1 ratio?)
• Plan an evening at home together by yourselves.
• Give your spouse a massage.

QUESTION: This Dear Abby letter got me to thinking, has your significant other given you something goofy like a mood-ring? I once gave Lea a broom! Not a good idea. And, on the other side of the argument, has your spouse ever done something that has really wowed you?

(A note from Lea: Thanks so much to everyone for the birthday wishes! I had a great day! Trey took me shopping and didn't complain one bit. How "romantic"!)

Labels: Marriage

Would you say this is the way things progress over time when the wife gets sick ...

• Year One of Marriage the Husband Says: "Sugar dumpling, I'm worried about you baby girl. You've got a sniffle. I'll take you to the doctor right away."
  
  
• Year Two of Marriage the Husband Says: "Listen darling I don't like the sound of that cough, I called the doctor and asked him to call in a prescription. I'm going to pick it up for you while you lie down and rest. Can I get you anything else?"
  
  
• Year Three of Marriage the Husband Says: "Look Sweetheart ... after you've fed the kids, washed the dishes and ironed the clothes, why don't you go get some rest?"
  
  
• Year Four of Marriage the Husband Says: "I wish you'd just gargle something instead of sitting around all evening barking like a seal."

So, how would you describe men when they are sick?

Labels: Marriage

I love my marriage with Lea. It is my greatest and most valued treasure on this earth. After nearly twenty years of marriage, I feel like we have a strong marriage. It's taken a lot of work over the years, and I understand now that the minute I start taking it for granted is the minute it will stop growing. Just like keeping my body in shape takes effort, so does keeping my marriage in shape. I honestly think marriages are in one of two stages, either growing or declining depending upon the effort you're putting in it.

I understand now that the minute I start taking my marrige for granted is
the minute it will stop growing. And just like keeping my body in shape takes effort, so does keeping my marriage in shape.

Thankfully we've overcome some early mistakes we made in our marriage. I've sure made my share. The following are a few of the early mistakes I've made as a husband in my marriage, and I hope other husbands and marriages can learn from them.

• I didn't praise Lea enough publicly or privately. I didn't realize the importance of praise and building up my wife.
  
  
• I thought everything had to be "my way." Thinking you always have to be right is not healthy. Most of the time it's simple pride that gets in the way.
  
  
• I charged things on credit cards (a no-no for young marriages). The number one reason for divorce in our country is financial problems in marriage and credit cards are often at the core of the financial problems. Pay them off and then cut those bad boys up and never use them again. I wish newlyweds weren't allowed to have a credit card.
  
  
• I didn't think it was important to tell Lea things she really wanted or needed to know. It took me a while to learn to simply being open and honest. Openness and honesty is one of the top needs for women. Thankfully I finally caught on.
  
  
• We didn't date. Every couple should continue to date. Whether it's going to eat together, walking together, catching a movie or just having time alone together, you need to date. It gives you time to reconnect. I challenge every husband to make it a PRIORITY to have a date with his wife! And men, you'll earn extra points by being romantic if you'll actually pick a restaurant you know she likes and have a plan for the evening rather than getting in the car and saying, “So…uh…where do you want to eat?”
  
  
• I didn't pray with Lea like I should. One if the greatest blessings in my life happened when I began to pray with Lea. Unfortunately it didn't happen early in marriage. I have now found the value of praying with my wife. The intimacy that you find praying with your spouse is second-to-none. Nothing is more special than hearing my wife pray about the hurts, joys and concerns on her heart.

What were some of the mistakes you made early in your marriage?

Labels: His Needs Her Needs, Marriage

A friend and I got to talking yesterday about who had the perfect marriage. We decided that Adam and Eve probably had the perfect marriage. Here are a few things we laughed about that explains our thinking on this.

Reasons why we think Adam & Eve had the perfect marriage...

• Eve never had to hear Adam talk about how good his mom cooked.
  
  
• Eve never had to question Adam’s faithfulness and ask, “Are you sure there’s no one else?”

• Adam never lied when he told Eve she was the best looking woman in the whole world.
  
  
• Adam never went off fishing with his buddies.
  
  
• Adam never had to hear about all the men Eve could have married.
  
  
• Eve didn’t need to clothes shop.
  
  
• Adam believed Eve when she looked him in the eyes and said, “You know you’re the only one for me?”
  
  
• Adam never had to answer the age old question that gets all men in trouble, "Honey, do I look fat in this fig leaf?"
  
  
• Adam didn't have to pay for a different pair of shoes for every outfit Eve owned.

Can you think of any other reasons that Adam and Eve had a perfect marriage?

Labels: Marriage

I have been challenged today by a new study and I'm committing today to be a 5 to 1 husband!

Labels: His Needs Her Needs, Marriage

After being married for twenty years Trey and I have learned a lot of things that worked for us and a lot of things that didn't. I've been sharing things with you that did work for us. Last Friday was part one of this post. It can be found by clicking here! Here are the other five...

• BE LIKEABLE: I think we all go through times in our marriages when we love each other, but we just really don't like each other. Thankfully for us, those times have been infrequent and temporary. Things like grouchiness, moodiness, negativity and annoying behavior can cause us to become unlikeable. Nobody likes living with someone who is unlikeable. Proverbs 21:9 & 19 say that it's "better to live on the corner of a roof or in a desert than with a quarrelsome and ill-tempered wife". Strive to be likeable.
  
  
• FIGHT FAIR: Disagreements are inevitable in marriage, but try to keep your attitude in check. Watch your words, tone of voice and body language. Don't hold grudges or keep bringing up each other's past mistakes. When you forgive you also need to forget!
  
  
• DATE OFTEN: It's very important to get away from the kids and just spend time focusing on each other. Be sure to include a weekend getaway occasionally! Husbands, it's extra bonus points for you if you're the one who lines up the babysitter and plans the date.
  
  
• SHARE MANY COMMON INTERESTS: Play together and be best friends. It's okay to have separate interests, but be sure you have more common interests than separate ones. I have learned to love things like camping, football and NASCAR and our relationship is better for it. Whatever your spouse has an interest in, try to develop an interest in it as well.
  
  
• LOVE & RESPECT IS ESSENTIAL: A Ladies Bible study I attend is reading a Focus on the Family book by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs called "Love and Respect." The verse we're looking at is Ephesians 5:33 that says, "Each one of you must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband!" This isn't a suggestion, it's God's command. The love spoken of here is agape, unconditional love. This kind of love is doing what is very best for the other. The passage also suggests the respect must be unconditional. If I respect Trey unconditionally, he will love me unconditionally. The more Trey loves me, the more I respect him and the happier we are.

Thanks for all the nice comments on the first post. For those who suggested me starting my own blog, you're talking to a person who only gets on the computer twice a week. Maybe I can talk Trey into letting me post from time to time on this blog.

Thanks for reading,

Lea

Labels: Lea, Marriage

Hello bloggers! Hopefully Trey hasn't built this up so much that you will be disappointed. I liked all your suggestions for my post. I especially loved the suggestion made by an anonymous person to post about "Ten Way's to Stay in Love for 20 Years" (and hopefully more)! Here are some things Trey and I have learned from our 20 years of marriage...

• WORSHIP & PRAY TOGETHER. Statistics show that couples who attend worship services together are less likely to divorce than those who don't. Praying together builds intimacy and communication by sharing you innermost thoughts together before your Lord and creator.



• READ THE BOOK HIS NEEDS HER NEEDS by Dr. Williard Harley, or better yet, take the 8 week seminar. We attended a training seminar and have led 4 of these 8 week seminars. I believe it is the best thing we have done for our marriage.



• DON'T SPEND MORE MONEY THAN YOU MAKE. Financial problems are the #1 cause for divorce in America. Living within your means and striving to be "debt free" will greatly reduce stress in your marriage. Another "must read" is Financial Peace by Dave Ramsey. (Better yet, take the seminar and apply the principles.)



• UNDERSTAND AND ACCEPT YOUR DIFFERENCES. Trey and I are polar opposites. Some of the very things that attracted me to him before we were married were the very things that drove me crazy after we were married. For the first few years of our marriage, I made us both miserable by trying to change him. It wasn't until I understood and accepted that he is exactly who God made him to be that I could overlook some minor things and truly love him for who he is. Yes, I'm going to suggest another book, but it has made a huge difference in the way I view Trey and other people. Personality Plus by Florence Littauer teaches why people are the way they are and points out the strengths and weaknesses of every personality type.



• KEEP THE LINES OF COMMUNICATION OPEN. How can you remain "one" if you never share your thoughts, concerns, and plans with one another? We have found that going walking together is one of our best times for communication away from interruptions. (The exercise is an added bonus).

Labels: His Needs Her Needs, Lea, Marriage

Labels: Marriage, Sexuality

Last week I gave you part one of my bible class notes on husbands and wives. It was about "What Wives need from their Husbands." Here's part two: "What husbands need from their wives..."

1. HUSBANDS NEED LOTS OF ADMIRATION. Husbands love it when their wives are their biggest fan. Admiration is one of the easiest needs to meet, yet often the most overlooked. He wants to hear he's a good dad, that he's still good looking, that you're proud of him, etc. Honest admiration is a great motivator for most men. Just like you do for your kids ... go ahead, heap on the praise.
2. HUSBANDS NEED A PLAYMATE. Not a playboy playmate (that's down in #5), but someone that will do things with him that he enjoys. Make him your best friend. Remember when you were dating and you did all sorts of things that you would never have chosen to do alone, just to be with him? God didn't make another man for Adam just so he could have companionship at a football game. He created woman as suited to be man's best friend. Don't ever forget it. If possible, find things you both can enjoy. When you spend time doing those things you make great memories together. One mistake that young parents make is forgetting each other's need for companionship when children come along. Children's wants and needs may begin to take precedence over your husband's needs. While wanting our children to excel and be fulfilled (and maybe even to fulfill some unmet need from our childhood), husbands are left alone with an unmet companionship need.
3. STRIVE TO BE AN ATTRACTIVE SPOUSE. "But he should love me for what I look like on the inside," many women say. You are right, but one of the reasons he fell in love with you in the first place is for what you looked like on the outside. Men are visually stimulated so dress with the aim of pleasing your husband. Strive to look like the woman he married. Wear your hair, makeup, and clothes in a way that he finds attractive and tasteful. He should be attracted to you in private and proud of you in public. You may also need to give up clothes that he finds unattractive (ie. a bathrobe, certain pajamas, shoes, etc).
4. AVOID A CONTROLLING ATTITUDE. Marriage should be about equality and not about "getting your way" in everything. A wife who nags or whines to get her way is unattractive. Solomon, the wisest man ever to live, said in Proverbs, "Better to live in the desert than with a quarrelsome and ill-tempered wife."
5. STRIVE TO MAKE YOUR SEX LIFE SIZZLE. Notice I didn't say 7 things husbands want from wives, I said need. Just like men need water, food and air, God made him with the need of sexual fulfillment. He equipped you to be a perfect help suitable to fulfill that need. It is no secret that sexual fulfillment is usually a husband's number one need. Bill Ferrel makes a great statement in his book, "Red Hot Monogamy," when he says, "Sex in marriage is an interesting thing. When it's good, it can be one of the greatest delights in marriage and when it's infrequent, it can be one of the most agonizing sources of frustration." Physical intimacy can be a barometer for your relationship. Your husband may see your physical intimacy as a signal that he’s doing fine at home. Paul said this about sex in marriage in 1 Corinthians 7, "The husband should fulfill his wife’s sexual needs, and the wife should fulfill her husband’s needs. The wife gives authority over her body to her husband, and the husband gives authority over his body to his wife. Do not deprive each other of sexual relations, unless you both agree to refrain from sexual intimacy for a limited time so you can give yourselves more completely to prayer. Afterward, you should come together again so that Satan won’t be able to tempt you because of your lack of self-control." For more on "do's and don'ts" in a sexual relationship between a husband and wife, you can read Joe Beams article on "Sex in the Bible."
6. STRIVE TO BE A WARM AND WONDERFUL WIFE. We talked in number 3 about how a wife looks on the outside, but it's important that a wife be just as beautiful on the inside. Proverbs 18:22 says, "The man who finds a wife finds a treasure, and he receives favor from the Lord." Peter says in 1 Peter 3 that a wife's inner beauty is of great value and it is found in a gentle and peaceful spirit.
7. CREATE A HOME THAT BLESSES YOUR HUSBAND. Consider what environment you and your husband both would like to experience in your home, and work to create that atmosphere. Arrange your schedule so you have enough time to be home regularly and take good care of your responsibilities there. Don’t neglect the house, but don’t become obsessed with trying to make it perfect either. Simply do your best to make your home your family’s favorite place to be, and help them create memories there that you all will cherish.

So, here are seven things that are sure to make your husband a happy boy. My challenge to you wives is show your husband the list and ask him three things...

• Are these your needs?
• Am I meeting these needs?
• How can I better meet these needs?

Labels: His Needs Her Needs, Marriage

Labels: love, Marriage

Not long ago I told you that I'm doing lessons in both class and in worship on the family. Two of the bible class lessons I just finished were: "7 Things Wives Need from their Husbands," and "7 Things Husbands Need from their Wives." My favorite part of the class has been watching the reactions of couples while I'm teaching. Elbows have been swinging everywhere :)

Someone asked if I could include some notes from these two classes. So here's a brief outline for the husbands. I'll include the wives outline tomorrow.

7 THINGS WIVES NEED FROM THEIR HUSBANDS...

1. Court your wife creatively. Guys, you spent months and even years courting your wife before you married her. You brought her flowers, cards, notes and gifts as tokens of your love. Why stop after you're married? Go for a walk, go on a date, but don't stop courting. Try to plan a date night every week to "reconnect" each week. It's not important where you go or what you do as long as you are able to get away by yourselves and talk to each other.


2. Communicate with her cheerfully. Men, like it or not, understand it or not, women need communication. They need to talk. Communication is one of the glues of marriage that make it stick and last. There is no telling how many marriages have been killed by ineffective communication. The bible teaches and life verifies that good communication is not automatic. It must be learned and developed. Want more on how to communicate in marriage: click here?


3. Be the spiritual leader in the home. Your wife wants you to be the spiritual leader in the home. It's actually the way God designed it. Real men aren't satisfied with just providing for their families, but want to do everything God designed them to do.
4. Give your family plenty of time. Husbands, did you know that 87% of all wives said they'd be willing to have their husbands bring home less money if it meant their husbands would be home more? Wives want their husbands to give their children and families plenty of time. Don't believe the old lie that a little quality time is all that's needed. You can't get quality time without quantity time.
5. Serve her cheerfully. Don't be one of those, "That's not my job," kind of husbands. There's no such thing as a job you can't do to help out. You can load the dishwasher, clear the table, vacuum the floors or whatever else she needs help doing. Don't come home from work, plop your rear in a chair and say, "What's for supper and why is the house in such a mess?"
6. Give her some money to call her own. She ought to have some money budgeted into the budget each month that she can use for anything she wants. With her money she can get a manicure, pedicure, new shoes or anything else without being made to feel guilty.
7. Be open and honest. One of the worst things you can do in marriage is hide things from your wife. Even little things you think are insignificant should never be kept a secret. There should be no secrets in marriage. No hidden friendships, text messages, email, passwords or plans. Be open and honest.

So, there are seven things that are sure to make your wife a happy girl. Tomorrow we'll do the other list.

--------------------------

Also, I've posted part 3 from the sermon series "Extreme Home Makeover" if you've been following along. This past week's lesson was, "An Extreme Marriage Makeover." Give it a listen if you want.

Labels: His Needs Her Needs, Marriage

I love it when Lea and I read books together. Currently we're reading the book, "Red Hot Monogamy - Making Your Marriage Sizzle", by Bill & Pam Farrel. I'll read a couple of chapters, she'll read a couple of chapters, and then we'll talk about the things we've read.

• lying
• loss of trust
• inability to express your needs and feelings
• not listening
• being self-centered
• angry arguments
• lack of touch
• lack of time

After talking about intimacy killers for a minute we decided that the above list didn't fit us very well. So we decided to make our own list of intimacy killers that we have struggled with in our marriage. So without further ado, here is the first ever top 10 list that Lea has actually helped me to comprise. Trey and Lea's top ten intimacy killers....

1. Children
2. Kids
3. Offspring
4. Babies (Thankfully we're past this.)
5. Toddlers (Past this one, too)
6. Pre-teens
7. Teenagers
8. Niños (if you speak Spanish)
9. Taylor, Parker, Connor & Cooper
10. Yes, you guessed it, children

Okay, just so you know, we do believe our children are blessings in our lives and not burdens. But, after we finished our list we just laughed and laughed. I asked her if it would be okay to share our top ten list with the blogging world. She said, "Sure, go ahead." God is sure good to me to put Lea in my life. I definitely married up!

Has your "intimacy killer's" list ever resembled ours?

Labels: Marriage, Top Ten List

• Ingredients of a Healthy Family
• 7 Things Wive's Need from their Husbands
• 7 Things Husband's Need from their Wives
• What are His Needs & What are Her Needs
• Red Hot Monogamy (Making your Love-Life Sizzle)
• Making Godly Kids
• Things That will Ruin Your Marriage

"Hiring the Right Contractor"

"The Foundations You Need to Build on"

"An Extreme Marriage Makeover" (Affair Proofing Your Marriage)

"Desperate Parenting"

"What's Love Got to Do With It?"

I'll try and update my sermon page each Monday or Tuesday with the "Extreme Home Makeover" series of sermons. If you're from Childress ... come hear it live (sleeping will be allowed).

Labels: Family, Marriage, Preaching

Anytime I preach, teach or write (like yesterday) about marriage, it always hurts my heart to think of those who have gone through a divorce sitting there listening to the sermon or reading a post about marriage. I sometimes wish I would pick a different topic than marriage just because I don't want divorced people to think I'm rubbing their noses in it.

Not to long ago I told my friend Stachia, who goes to church with me, how I feel about this. Stachia is one of the godliest women I know. She has more faith in her little finger than I do in my entire body. Stachia is a single mother of four who did everything she could to save a marriage years ago. I had just finished preaching a month long series on the family, marriage and how divorce hurts everyone involved. After the sermon I made a special effort to find Stachia and apologize for preaching on such sensitive subjects. I told her, "Please don't think I'm picking these topics to make you feel bad. These sermons are not meant for you." I'll never forget what she told me, "Don't feel bad at all, my kids and I need to hear these lessons too." She has always amazed me, and I've prayed often that others would feel the way she does.

Malachi 2:16 says, "God hates divorce..." He hates the pain it causes families. He hates what it does to children. He hates the emotional and spiritual scars it leaves. BUT UNDERSTAND THIS ... it never says, anywhere, that God hates divorced people. Never. God doesn't hate divorced people. In fact, He loves them with all His heart, just as much as He loves those that haven't gone through a divorce. Every person matters to God. Black, white, rich, poor ... and yes, divorced. You matter to God.

So please understand that I will on continue to preach, teach and write about marriage. And you continue to understand ... God love you very much, no matter what anyone else tells you.

Labels: Marriage

Growing up I remember shows like The Walton's, Father Knows Best, Leave it to Beaver, Happy Days, Bewitched, I Love Lucy and others. Most of these shows showed us a traditional family of mom, dad, and kids. They didn't seem to have any real problems because there are no story lines about prior marriages, step-children, lack of sex, chores, physical abuse, infidelity, drinking problems, drugs, dropping out of school and threats or even thoughts of divorce.

We got the idea from shows like this that marriages were perfect, every one's needs were always met, children raised themselves and never caused problems. And no matter what, you always lived happily-ever-after. Wow, how untrue.

I require in every wedding I do that I have premarital counseling with the couple. I also do some marriage counseling for couples who have been married and are having problems. In counseling there are always some things I pick up on that are myths or untruths about marriage that we have created in our minds over time. Here are a few I've noticed...

1. GOD WANTS ME TO BE HAPPY: I've heard this phrase more than any other. Most of the time it's from the person that's wanting out of a marriage and they are looking for a reason. "But I believe God wants me to be happy in marriage and I'm not," has been muttered a million times. Understand this, happiness comes and goes in marriage. You will not always be happy all of the time. It'll take work from both sides to be happy.
   
   
2. THE KEY TO A LONG MARRIAGE IS ROMANTIC LOVE AND SOME LUCK: I can't help but smile when young couples who are wanting to get married tell me, "Trey, we'll be alright. When things get bad, we'll live off the love we have for each other." It's at this time I'm usually looking for a trash can so I can throw up. Believe it or not, marriages that last are built on good old-fashion work; no one ever "lives on love." Good marriages and even great marriages don't just happen, they take work. What kind of work? Read a book, attend a weekend marriage seminar, go through a His Needs Her Needs class, take a weekend to get away without the kids, be willing to make changes in your own life or simply start by asking your spouse "How are we doing?"
   
   
3. HAVING KIDS WILL BRING YOU CLOSER TOGETHER AS A HUSBAND AND WIFE: Actually most studies show the opposite. The stress of having children often pushes the struggling marriage of a husband and wife farther apart. If you have children make sure you maintain your relationship with your spouse. Continue to date, spend time together and go for walks to keep your relationship strong with your spouse. If you focus 100% of your time and energy on your children you relationship with suffer from it.
   
   
4. COUPLES WHO LIVE TOGETHER BEFORE MARRIAGE HAVE A BETTER CHANCE OF HAVING A LONG LASTING MARRIAGE: Actually that's false. The divorce rate is quite a bit higher for couples who have lived together before marriage than it is for those who didn't.
   
   
5. ALL MY NEEDS WILL BE MET ALL THE TIME IN MARRIAGE: That's a big whopping lie. Hopefully your spouse will do everything they can to meet your needs, but thinking every need will be met at just the perfect time is unrealistic. There will be times in your marriage that "romance" will be lacking. Your spouse won't always be there at your every beckon call for sexual fulfillment. Plain and simple, your goal is not to get your own needs met in marriage, but to meet your spouse's needs and in turn they meet yours.
   
   
6. MY SPOUSE WILL KNOW MY NEEDS WITHOUT ME SAYING ANYTHING: No way. Just because you are married doesn't mean your spouse can read your mind. You have to tell your spouse what your needs are in order to have them met. Quit giving your spouse the stupid old phrase of, "We'll you should know my needs without me having to tell you."
   
   
7. CONFLICT WILL NEVER HAPPEN IN MARRIAGE: Conflict happens in every marriage. In fact, conflict can often bring growth in your marriage. I'm not saying that the couple who is constantly having a knock-down-drag-out will have a healthy marriage, but that working through conflict can bring marital growth.
   
   
8. A HAPPY MARRIAGE WILL NOT HAVE PROBLEMS: Every marriage will have its problems. Couples who truly love each other have problems and stress just as any other two people. In order to make it through the difficult times, the couple must have a commitment to each other and effective and honest communication. Seek help when you come to an impasse.
   
   
9. MARRIED PEOPLE HAVE LESS SEX AND LESS SATISFYING SEX THAN SINGLE PEOPLE: I don't know how many times I've heard this, but it's just not true (read this). According to a national survey, married people have more sex than their single counterparts and report more physical and emotional satisfaction. Maybe it's because it the way God created it to be!!!
   
   
10. MY SPOUSE WILL CHANGE AFTER WE'RE MARRIED & THINGS WILL BE BETTER AFTER WE'RE MARRIED: People and things do change. However, the most accurate prediction of the kind of companion your spouse will be in the future is the kind of companion he or she is right now. Those who marry a person with the intention of overhauling their personality or of converting them usually face serious disappointments.

In the long run, marriage is built on good old-fashion work. Your marriage needs love, support, tolerance, communication, realistic expectations, caring, nurturing, and even a sense of humor to be successful.

Did I leave any "myths" off that you can think of?

Labels: His Needs Her Needs, Marriage, Top Ten List

Labels: His Needs Her Needs, Marriage

I laughed when I saw the title of a new book on the market: "Bring Food and Show up Naked." Although that's pretty much all the romance a man needs, the book is actually about romance tips for marriage. And since we were on the subject of sex yesterday, I thought we might just continue that theme today. Having not read the above book yet, here are a few of my suggestions on how to be romantic in your marriage.

1. Surprise your spouse by finding a babysitter for the kids and going out on a date.
2. Leave a romantic note for your spouse to find.
3. Give your spouse a "good" kiss for no reason at all.
4. Call your spouse during the day just to say "I love you."
5. Make a list of "25 Things" that you love about your spouse.
6. Mail something to your spouse.
7. Men ... send flowers to your wife at her work place.
8. Compliment your spouse everyday.
9. Plan an evening at home together by yourselves.
10. Give your spouse a massage.

So, can you add some more?

Labels: Marriage, Top Ten List

At least once a day I look at the referrals on my stat-tracker to see where the traffic to my blog is coming from. Over 100 of my referrals every day are from Google where someone has searched, "How to keep my wife happy," or "How to have a happy marriage." I'm not sure why they find my blog, but I'm sure it has something to do with loving to write about happy marriages (See here, here, here and here). We hear and read about so many unhappy marriages I think it's good to hear about some happy ones too.

Labels: Marriage